Moviegasm-The Book of Eli

This is separated into 3 sections
My new Movie Rating Conversion Scale
“The Book of Eli” movie review (NO SPOILERS)
A little history about the Biblical Eli

Movie Rating Conversion Scale
First, I would like to say that I am bit sensitive about my shyt/writing. With that said, if you don’t like it, then just “PLAY” like you do. THANKS A MILLION!!!!

The purpose of my new movie scale is to convert the lame, sheepish, panic-strickened mind to a more outgoing, chargeless, free-spirited mind in regards to your personal passion. Now, get your mind straight. It doesn’t always have to be about sex, but since, that is such a TABOO subject and I am in the business of “going against the grain” and “turning heads,” SEX is implied. If you can dig it, keep reading, if not, then I suggest you move on to something else, you sheepish fool you….LOL!!!

Anywhoo…….I am passionate about music, a good movie and writing. It gets me “off,” to say the least. With that said, here ya go…..please read it carefully. I am moving from that “Star” rating hodgepodge….and onto something that I can REALLY understand….a rating that I can visualize (If you know me, then know that I am using my famous “jazz hands right now). I hope you understand. If not, you really need to get out more often.

Movie Rating Scale Conversion
0=Celibacy-You gets none! LOL!!!
1 star=Wet Dream-Apparent lack of experience; No clear plot
2 stars=Tease-Not enough information; Left me hanging; Poor character development
3 stars=Quickie-Spontaneous without suspense, if you will; Pseudoclimax
4 stars=Orgasm-Reached a point of intensity and emotional excitement
5 stars=Squirter-You did the damn thang!!You hit the spot.All the elements of an excellent film.

Movie Review
Moviegasm-“The Book of Eli”
Screenplay by: Gary Whitta
Directed by: The Hughes Brothers

While Gary Whitta, the screenplay writer for “The Book of Eli,” may be an unfamiliar name to most, he is an experienced video game critic and has worked with the UK and the US, PC Gamer magazine. I am certain that this authentic screenplay will not be the last of his work. Team directors, the Hughes Brothers, mostly known for, Menace II Society and Dead Presidents showed their growth from modestly budgeted films to this blockbuster, gritty, yet unassuming tale of allegiance.

Filled with themes of oppression, duty, and lust for power, “The Book of Eli,” captured a central theme, FAITH, more specifically, an unexplainable, perplexing, blind faith. Denzel Washington (Eli) portrays a mysterious traveler during an apocalyptic era on an appointed mission to restore a fallen society with a deep passion for a mystical “Book,” that he holds in his sole possession. From the opening scene, Eli, shows a fervid sense of discernment and intuition. Denzel Washington turned over an “angelic” performance (literally and figuratively). Eli’s persona was a mixture between the popular hit-men duo from “Pulp Fiction,” Vincent Vega and Jules Winnfield, Alonzo from “Training Day”, and Joel Osteen. LOL!!!!! Sounds a little sick and twisted, but his character was kind of HOT . I can dig that “by any means necessary” type of shyt. (Pardon me, I am having a flashback) Okay, I’m back now. Drifting back into flashback mode in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…ACTION---Okay, he is kind of HOT like Mel Gibson was in Mad Max. Very gritty, dark, dirty, but still very much, Denzel. Eli was a gentle GANGSTA!!! This man, Eli, was so in tuned with his purpose that he was willing to do what ever is necessary to realize that purpose. Plenty of ass kicking for you kinky folks….lots of machete usage, pocket knife handling, little and sawed off shot guns, bazookas and all…..But, at the end of each day, HE feeds that purpose by reading the “BOOK.” If that ain’t GANGSTA HOT, I don’t know what is…….I mean…...Oh, Laaawwwwd. Back to the REVIEW!!!!! You have to forgive me, I get a little excited sometimes about my movies. (FOCUS, FOCUS, FOCUS!)

Gary Oldman (Carnegie), known for his roles in Bram Stoker’s Dracula (another GANGSTA BADASS, sorry, I have to give credit where credit is due and Dracula was kind of HOT too!!) and Harry Potter flicks, portrays a, cunning, narcissistic, antiquarian, dictator that has a deep lust for power. Of course, the remedy for Carnegie’s quest lies in the “Book,” which happens to be in the sole possession of my gentle GANGSTA, Eli (see there I go again, let’s pray y’all). Okay, Amen. Carnegie's character, foreshadows the urgent need for the "Book," often implying the power in the "Book," and its infinite role in order to restore society. Hmmmmmmm.......interesting.

Overall, this religious-thriller's (That sounds bad, doesn't it? I don't do religion anyway.) proved to be a serene masterpiece with an ending that is reminiscent of the "Sixth Sense." I will be adding this "flick" to my DVD Library. It was definitely an orgasmic experience in a spiritual type of way. My rating would be a good old fashioned “ORGASM.” For you lame people that are still living in your bashful world and are uncomfortable with that type of language/rating/discussion that would be 4 out of 5 stars.

Just a little history……….from the Book of Samuel
It is important to realize the connection of the character in the movie to the Arabic, Aramaic and Hebrew meaning of the name Eli (pronounced ay-lee). “El” in simplest terms means, a supernatural immortal being, holy, divine and/or sacred. The suffix “i” shows possession, simply meaning, “my God.” In the Book of Samuel (New King James Version), Eli is a biblical priest of Shiloh (a city containing the Ark of the Covenant) who trained the young prophet Samuel. Many theologians look deeper into the relationship between Eli and Samuel. I don’t want to give my personal opinion or theirs about the connection in a Biblical sense….I would encourage you to read the Book of Samuel. It is a good read.