Nail Appointment vs. DIAGNOSIS X

I rescheduled my nail appointment because Dr. Hue called to say that the “results” were in. I am sitting in the waiting room looking at the pale white walls. I can’t stomach this stench of stale plug-ins. I keep skimming through out-dated magazines. I forgot about Mel Gibson’s divorce. 7 kids, WOW!!!! No Pre-Nup, WHOA! Okay, this kid next to me is annoying the hell out of me and his mother is ignoring him. He has stepped on my foot twice. He is lucky that I have a nail appointment later. Oooooh, he is so lucky. He is reminding me why I don’t want anymore children. He is cute though.

I was here on time, been waiting for 30 minutes now. The receptionist is on the phone making an appointment to get her car serviced. I can’t stop thinking about my nail appointment. My nails look a hot mess. I bet she has not even given my chart to the nurse. I go through this crap every week. I have been here a lot lately. Maybe it’s not a good look that the security guard knows my first name, or that the lab tech is all too familiar with my small veins. He knows that he will poke and miss a few times before he clears a good blood sample. I am cool with it. I know my way around this medical facility. I know all the chics in the pharmacy on 1st shift. Nayla got married last summer. Mrs. Jones’ son graduated from Westlake High School last year. He is going to Bethune Cookman. Let’s go Wildcats!!!!!

“Mrs. Stallworth, you can come on back, now?” Yes!!!!! Finally!!!!! Let’s get this over with. We’ve been going back and forth with this charade for sometime now. Mrs. Littlejohn, the nurse, is cool with me. She is always smiling. So positive. Her husband passed away last year. She is always quoting scriptures. She wears a WWJD bracelet, her wedding ring, and speaks of her husband as if he is still living. Today, she is extremely quiet. Blood pressure-Normal. Oxygen levels-Normal. Weight-Well, I say it’s normal. According to kinesics, the study of body language, the nurse’s overly tilted head suggests feelings of sympathy. She is looking at me strange. Maybe she is just diggin’ my hair. LOL!!!! “Mrs. Stallworth, Dr. Hue will be in here shortly.” No small talk today? Oh, well.

Dr. Hue is not my cup of tea. She is a cute little midget. I suffer from Nanosophobia. She stands 4ft 11 inches with heels on and she is about 100 lbs. soak and wet. She was the attending physician during the miscarriage in 2007 and her bedside manners SUCK!!!!! She enters the room without knocking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She takes a seat in a chair directly across from me. I am not used to her being this close to me. She is invading my personal space. I need my personal space. It is creeping me out. According to kinesics, the study of body language, Dr. Hue’s, fast tapping of her right foot suggests that she is nervous or intimidated about something. I’m prepared. “Mrs. Stallworth, I’m not going to beat around the bush with you. After running all of the tests…blah….blah…..blah….blah………..DIAGNOSIS X.”

I begin to tune her cute midget ass out. I am thinking about my nail appointment, Alex’s basketball practice, the old school truck, Dubai, Japan, moving to East Point…Oh, shit….did I pay the water bill. Clayton County Water Authority shows no sympathy.

I tune her in for a couple of seconds and nod my head with a blank smile. She’s going on and on about statistics of survival, therapy, treatments. I drift back into my zone, thinking about my classroom and if I will have time to organize the Black History program. My honey keeps texting me. I need to get a copy of his birth certificate for the passports. We are planning our first cruise for the summer. Oooh, I need to find a travel agent. I don’t know what I am doing with this cruise stuff. I wonder if my mom wants to travel with us? Damn, my nails look bad. I am going to be late for my nail appointment. I HATE BEING LATE!!!!

“Mrs. Stallworth, Mrs. Stallworth, are you okay?” “Huh, what, yes. Of course, why wouldn’t I be?”

‘Mrs. Stallworth, were you listening to me? Did you hear a word I said? I just declared DIAGNOSIS X. There’s not much more that we can do for you and you are smiling. What are you thinking?”

This lady cannot be serious! Since when did she develop a heart that actually beats??????? WTH????

“Honestly, Dr. Hue……………Do you really want to know what I am thinking? I am thinking that I am going to be late for my nail appointment.”

According to kinesics, the study of body language, Dr. Hue’s cocked head, lowered eyebrows and squinted eyes suggest that she is extremely confused with my behavior.

“Mrs. Stallworth, you are clearly in denial. Did you come alone? Is there someone here to drive you home? I’d like to sit down with you and your husband to discuss your plan of treatment and therapy.”

This chic clearly does not know me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Dr. Hue, let me explain something to you. I am going to live as long as the Creator will have me here. I am not going to surrender to your petty diagnosis. Believe me, I have been called and told worse things. DIAGNOSIS X is not going to define my life. Surprisingly, I feel euphoric! Never felt better. I have peace. You don’t understand my smile, because you don’t have my joy. You don’t understand my strength because you don’t understand your own weakness. While you take pride in holding the “results” and “diagnosis” of people’s lives in your hands, I understand the power of the mind and the will of your tongue. Your report/diagnosis is just another opportunity for my Creator to SHOW UP and SHOW OUT!!!! I should thank you. You know what, I will do just that. THANK YOU for DIAGNOSIS X. Thank you for giving me another challenge this year. I am always up for a good debate. Is that all Dr. Hue?” “I guess.”

According to kinesics, the study of body language, Dr. Hue’s stillness, then her sudden need to lean forward suggests that she is interested and or moved by what I am saying. Unfortunately, I don’t have time to feed her interests, I am running late for my nail appointment.